Dear Annie: I didn't think I'd be writing to an advice column at my age, but here I am, feeling like the new kid at the lunch table.

I recently joined a small community group to get out of the house more and meet people. That's where I met "Marla." She's warm, quick-witted and the kind of person who remembers details, like the name of my dog and the fact that I drink my coffee with cinnamon. After a couple of meetings, she invited me to lunch. Then she texted me funny little things during the week. Then she showed up at my door one evening with soup when I mentioned I wasn't feeling great. I haven't had a new friend like this in years.

Here's the problem: Marla also loves to talk. And lately, the talking has turned into something else.

She tells me personal things about other people in our group. Not just harmless gossip, either. Private details. Health issues. Marriages. Money problems. She'll lean in and say, "Don't tell anyone I told you," which makes me feel like I've just been handed stolen property.

At first, I thought it was a one-off. Now it seems like this is part of how she connects: stories, secrets, opinions. And I'm starting to wonder what she says about me when I'm not there. I also don't want to be rude. She's been very kind to me, and I don't want to lose the friendship or make things awkward in the group.

But I'm uncomfortable. I'm there to make friends, not collect other people's private information.

How do I stop the gossip without embarrassing her or sounding judgmental? And how do I keep a friendship with someone who doesn't seem to know where the line is? — Friendly But Not a Vault

Dear Friendly: Your discomfort is just your good judgment talking. Kindness and loose lips can live in the same person, but there's no reason why you have to host both.

The next time she starts gossiping about other people, interrupt her gently, and say, "Marla, I really like you, but I'm trying to stay out of other people's personal business. Tell me about you." Then change the subject without apologizing. It's not rude to simply want to connect with your friend over a more meaningful conversation, nor should that make things awkward at all.

If she gets the message, great. If she can't stop bringing unwilling participants into the conversation, then keep her as a pleasant group acquaintance, not a close confidante. And yes, you should assume anything you tell her may become tomorrow's "just between us" conversation with another friend.

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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