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Pinnacles and Unforgettable Shebangs May. 16, 2025
You'd think I'd know the date of my wedding, but apparently you'd be wrong. As I write these words, ... Read More
A Long, Strange Trip: Stairway to Heaven Version May. 02, 2025
The 60s were an off-kilter adventure (much of which actually happened in the 70s). Imagine yourself ... Read More
An Open Letter to Mayors and City Council Members Everywhere Apr. 25, 2025
Dear Most High: Say you're moving around your city — not necessarily doing exalted mayor or se... Read More
Transcript of a Call to an Internet Service Provider Apr. 19, 2025
The following is a transcript of a phone call you made last month to your internet service provider ... Read More
English and I -- or Maybe Me Apr. 18, 2025
I have no facility with languages. I'm incoherent in Latin, French, Spanish and, far too often, in E... Read More
How to Meditate -- for the Chronically Anxious Apr. 12, 2025
Mindfulness meditation: It's all the rage. If you've been anywhere, talked to anyone or visited any ... Read More
Customer Disservice: No One Can Hear You Scream Apr. 04, 2025
The bill was for two unspecified injections weeks earlier. I remembered getting a free flu shot and ... Read More
The Signalgate Text Thread Continues Mar. 29, 2025
SMALL GROUP RE: TEXT THREAD CONCERNING STRIKE ON HOUTHI REBELS IN YEMEN Waltz: Hi, team. Creating a... Read More
We All Join the Inner Circle Mar. 28, 2025
Two days ago, I went out to get trash bags because I needed trash bags, a prescription because I nee... Read More
All Human Thought: Pre-AI Addition Mar. 28, 2025
In college, before becoming an English major — and therefore borderline unemployable —I ... Read More
Go Home -- We're Drunk Mar. 21, 2025
An attorney I used to know told me how he figured out when to go home. "When I can't pronounce 'judi... Read More
The Road to Wellness: Paved with Red Lights and Vibration Plates Mar. 08, 2025
I went in for what I call a "shake and bake" recently, cooking like a chicken in a rotisserie under ... Read More
Trump's Right About Seth Meyers Tilting 'Comedy' for Democrats Jan. 15, 2025
If you're a late-night host with an affinity for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie Sanders, you're... Read More
No Joke: Racist Comedian Took Cues From Trump Oct. 29, 2024
SAN DIEGO — Gracias, court jester. You may have done the country a huge favor by helping defea... Read More
The Mediocrity of Jon Stewart Feb. 27, 2024
Thank you, Mary Trump, for plumbing the shallow waters of Jon Stewart's wit. A psychologist and shar... Read More
We Need a Christopher Hitchens, but We'll Never Find One Dec. 30, 2023
I write this on the 12th anniversary of the death of Christopher Hitchens. He was a writer and speak... Read More
'No Hard Feelings': Jennifer Lawrence Hits the Beach Jun. 23, 2023
The reason that No Hard Feelings — a salty but basically innocuous comedy — is rated R i... Read More
Fake Eyelashes, First-grade Math and Other Problems Nov. 12, 2022
I learned this week that first-grade math is too hard, my joints are falling apart and fake eyelashe... Read More
No Apologies Sep. 21, 2022
Performers censor themselves — fearing they might offend. Those who offend Hollywood lose work... Read More
A New Kind of Comedy Jun. 22, 2022
A woman tells the cop who stopped her in a carpool lane she's allowed to drive there because her pro... Read More
